the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
