PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
