His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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