just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
