I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
