I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
