ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it because I queefed?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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