That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
