I'm eating all of the evidence.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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