when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
