the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
