do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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