i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
