I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
