So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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