Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
