Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
