I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
