I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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