My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
