Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize