Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
