it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
