Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
