Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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