The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
