He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
