I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She is in my trunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
