I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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