I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
