i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
