Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
