i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
