You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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