oh god the rape fog is back!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
