Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize