Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
