so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
