Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
