The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she was so not down for the gang bang
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
