woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have fence marks all over my body
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