Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
