3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
