it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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