just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
