I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
