he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
