I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
