i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
