Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
