did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
