My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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