Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize