My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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