every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
