ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
