Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
