Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
