the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
