My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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