My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
