sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
