I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize