I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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