There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
