Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
