My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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